Can we change personality?

I’ve been considering this question for some time now.

I’m someone who loves doing. My motto has always been ‘Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today’. I hate routine. My route into the office epitomised this ethos. Most people would have taken the train each day, it’s the obvious option. 45 mins almost door-to-door, job done. Not so for me. I would alternate between taking the train one day, driving my car another, taking the train part way, getting off and running the rest, or alternatively cycling the whole way. That satisfied me greatly. It meant I didn’t get bored of doing the same journey day after day. I love variety; it’s definitely the spice of life. Even when I read a magazine I often find myself reading it back to front just to do it differently. It’s a good example of how doing things differently is not always a good idea. Don’t try it, it just all gets far too confusing in terms of what story you’re reading and which one you’ve finished!

These traits have always felt like they define who I am. I therefore consider myself as someone who likes variety. That I’m someone who likes to get things done. I am someone who is bored by routine and I am someone who loves being outdoors, being active and someone who goes stir crazy if I don’t get bouts of fresh air and exercise on a daily basis.

Yet over the past 3 months all of that has changed. I won’t write about it here, because I’ve written quite a bit about it already as a way of getting stuff out of my head and onto the page, but I tore my cruciate ligament skiing. Then, with a weak knee and a lack of awareness, fell again a month later. Since then, I’ve been pretty much housebound, other than 2 visits a week to the physio. I had one week prior to my op when I got off my crutches and back onto two feet, but that was it. And even then, all that meant was frequent visits to the gym to go on the static bike and strengthen my knee in preparation for the op. It didn’t mean I was free to roam the vast open countryside on long adventurous, uplifting walks or go out shopping. Nothing like that. My world has literally shrunk and shrunk for what has felt like, a long period of time.

So over this extended period of resting, recouping and rehabilitating, I’ve begun to realise something. Big parts of my personality, of who I am, have changed. They’ve had to. If you’d asked me 4 months ago how I’d cope with not exercising daily, let alone weekly, or not going outside for days on end, I’d have told you it would be excruciating, almost impossible for me to consider, let alone deal with for an extended period of time. I’d have told you I’d be impossible to live with or be around or even talk to. I’d have told you I’d need a lobotomy to sustain it.

Yet I’ve done it. And whilst there’s no doubt I’ve had many ups and downs, and there’s still a long way to go, the predominant emotion at the low points were more to do with fear than frustration, boredom, anger, frustration or cabin fever. So it got me thinking, can we really change our personality when the environment or situation dictates it? Has my personality changed as a result of my enforced rehabilitation? Is this a story of our incredible ability as human beings to adapt to our environment? And are the changes temporary or lasting?

By coincidence (although I tend to believe there is no such thing as coincidence) I’m doing an online workshop with Benjamin P. Hardy. This week our assignment has been to read a pre-launch copy of his new book on willpower. It’s a great book and in many ways, like all great teachings, much of it is based around ideas we already know. But it’s how he frames them that gets you thinking. And some of these points are entirely relevant to my current situation and have actually been really useful in helping me to work out what’s really going on here.

Rather than highlight each of Ben’s points and relate them back to my own situation, for now I thought it would be a punchier read if I just listed some of the most dynamic — the ones that make sense to me (and hopefully to you, too) i.e. whether we can change personality and how we behave (and adapt) to new environments. The fact is, I am living proof of many of Ben’s statements and suggestions and to demonstrate this, I may come back and update this post with my own personal examples. There’s no doubt, that as a result of my injuries, it’s meant adapting to an entirely new environment. And as a result of this requirement to adapt, I have feel like I’ve fundamentally changed as a person. I could, of course, have chosen not to adapt; not accept the consequences of the situation. But for me that just wasn’t an option. It would have been far, far more painful. When you become the victim, that’s when life really gets tough. When you resist the flow of the wave carrying you through life, you’ll crash hard on the shore.

The interesting question is, whether I will have changed forever? Will the new personality traits of being patient, methodical, more relaxed staying indoors, welcoming routine and learning to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’ stay with me and work alongside the old traits of wanting to ‘do’ all the time, or the impatience to keep learning and experiencing new things – so much so that I become a more rounded individual as a result? Or will I (re) adapt again and lose these new traits? Are they temporary? Only time will tell, but I have a feeling they will integrate, particularly as life will continue in slow gear for me for some time to come.

A couple of things to mention before you read on.

1. You’re likely to need to be more of a growth mindset rather than a fixed one to find this information useful, enlightening even.

2. By ‘environment’ we’re talking about the people you surround yourself with and are thus influenced by, the music you listen to, the books you read, where you spend your time.

In the book, here are the points I’ve picked out thus far. Ben suggests the following:

1. Who you are and what you can do in one situation is starkly different from who you are and what you can do in a different situation.
2. It’s actually impossible to change yourself without also changing your environment. Your environment and you are two indivisible parts of the same whole.
3. Rather than adapting to a negative environment, as the majority of the global population is doing, you can adapt to whatever environment you choose.
4. Each person has great power in them to create and control the environments that will ultimately shape them.
5. Your environment and you are two parts of the same whole. To change the one is to change the other. Thus, you can quickly transform your identity, skills, emotions, and very worldview. Your nature is not fixed. My environment, and thus your identity, are in large degree under your control.
6. You are responsible for shaping and choosing the environments that will ultimately shape the person you become and the destiny you have and that environmental design is your greatest responsibility.
7. Your behaviour doesn’t come from your personality. Rather, your personality is shaped by your behaviour. When you act a certain way, you then judge yourself based on your actions. Hence, you can quite quickly alter your identity simply by altering your behaviour. If you want to feel motivated, for example, all you need to do is clap your hands intensely for a few seconds, sprint around your house, and take a cold shower.
8. Your environment largely triggers your mental and emotional state. For example, by simply wearing different clothes, you’ll feel different. If you want to feel more confident, dress better. Wear a little cologne or perfume. Do your hair differently. Small external tweaks have the power to create enormous internal shifts.
9. The key difference between how animals and humans evolve is that animals are the direct product of their environment, whereas humans are the indirect product of their environment. Although the environment is the medium through which all change occurs, human beings, if they so choose, can proactively choose which environments they are in.
10. It takes a lot of willpower to remain positive in a negative environment. It’s difficult to constantly say no when those around you are eating junk food, for example.

I am only part way through the book, by the way, so there is more to come on the subject of willpower and environments in relation to observations I have about my new self. Benjamin Hardy’s book, is out on 6th March if you want to read it for yourself and is called ‘Willpower Doesn’t Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success’. I recommend it, it’s a page turner.